The Body Keeps Score
Well, it has finally come around to me…a back that said “STOP!”
I have had countless students who have been where I am and I am now empathizing with the slow healing and patience that you need to create a healing environment.
My student mind went to the question, “how did this happen?” And when I looked at the events of the weeks past, I knew right away what had happened, both physically and emotionally, that brought me to the place where my body had no choice but to put up the red light (in my case PAIN).
Over Easter weekend, we hosted family, had house guests and burned the candle at both ends. I left directly from a family gathering and headed to the beach, a wonderful week of relaxation was had and we walked the beach for miles every day, but I let my yoga practice fall by the wayside and filled my time with visiting and talking not meditation and stretching, all wonderful but my body was confused. Then to top it off I drove a total of 12 hours in three days and slept in 3 different beds, again all wonderful events but MY BODY KEPT SCORE and so Sunday evening I thought, hmmm…that doesn’t feel right. For the first time since we have opened AWE I had to cancel my Monday class because of my health. That was extremely hard for me and I gave myself a guilt trip you would not believe. It is hard to take your own advice, and no matter what I do the people pleaser in me has a loud voice, I want harmony, I don’t like to disappoint and I usually push myself to do all things, and again MY BODY KEPT SCORE.
I also know that my body knows that in 4 weeks we are sending my sweet, only daughter out into the world to live her own amazing life and while I am thrilled, a part of me says, “wait, not yet, how did that go by so fast?” And so MY BODY KEEPS SCORE. Emotion has a strong way of showing up in our body and studies show that held emotion can trigger the stress response in soft tissue, often the low back.
So, here I sit icing my back and taking some pain medicine and then I will get on my mat and breathe and roll around and see what feels good and not push myself but move slowly and gently and then I will rest again. Eventually, this will pass, as all things do, and I will move forward and in the gentleness with myself I know that there is healing and MY BODY WILL KEEP SCORE.
To learn more about the mind body connection check out: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.